Lacey Guck

Singer/songwriter. Minnesota.

Things My Pets Are Illogically Afraid Of

I have two pets: a munchkin cat named Porter, and a bearded dragon named John Mayer. Yes, they're as majestic as they sound.

But today is a special day. Porter acted in such a way that made double over in tears of laughter. We were lying in bed, Netflix & chilling, when out of nowhere he audibly farted. His toot startled him so much that he jumped up in fear and ran away. Please note that I am laughing as I type this. Then I got to thinking, what else is he scared of? So here it is, along with JM's fears. I intend to update this as new phobias occur.

Fears, classified by animal.

1. Porter, the munchkin:

  • his shadow
  • other apartment doors opening or closing
  • when the TV gets too loud
  • Every toy I've ever bought him
  • men
  • shoes
  • anyone who walks too fast toward him
  • the towel I wrap my hair in after showering
  • his own farts
  • BAKED BEANS
  • The TV remote 

2. John Mayer, the dragon:

  • blueberries

 

 My scaredy-cat, Porter.

My scaredy-cat, Porter.

 Scared of nothing but blueberries, he's a fantastic producer and surprisingly good cuddler.

Scared of nothing but blueberries, he's a fantastic producer and surprisingly good cuddler.